I sat across from him, drinking in his tenderness as he expressed how much he misses his daughter. He’s currently living in a different country, away from his family. I was curious, why did he only mention his daughter and not his wife. Does he not miss her, as well?
So I simply asked him, “What about your wife? Do you miss her?”
It pained him a little to confess, “Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife. But everything in my life is replaceable…my house, my business, my wife, everything …
And there it was, my “daddy issues” crawled out from the deep crevices in my soul, to look at me square in the eyes, begging to be SEEN.
That was it. I had never in my life felt irreplaceable. My mom was good at expressing her love and care and concern in her own way. But my father…
From that man.
He didn’t SEE me.AT.ALL
I don’t blame him for it. He was doing his best, too. He never really experienced love as a child. How can one give what he himself does not have within? It’s impossible.
So that was it, this largely contributed to my issues with men. Except my “daddy issues” expressed themselves differently than I would say is typical. From what I’ve observed, it’s more common for women to jump from one relationship to another seeking validation and approval.
Not me, I avoided relationships.
Because if my own father didn’t find me special, then how could any other man?
It would hurt too much to be proved right … that I’m actually not worthy …
to be loved
to be held onto
to be fought for
I envy those girls, like my friend’s daughter, who know and feel the love from their fathers…who feel like princesses and worthy of love just because of their very existence. I think love and relationships may be easier for them. But that doesn’t mean that it’s hopeless for those of us with “daddy issues”.
On the contrary, “we” can rise above those perceived limitations and alchemize them, turn them into strength. Because although I do believe that feeling the love of a father is extremely important for young girls and women, the fact of the matter is, that what we all need to get to, is our own love for ourselves.
What we truly want at the core is to love ourselves and feel the Love within…because everything and everyone else can come and go … everything and everyone else is simply our reflection. So really I am seeing that everything in our lives is a means by which we return to the Love that we ARE. Whether it’s “daddy issues” or other disappointments, hurts, failures, etc. all of it can be the fire used to burn away the impurities that keep us from seeing the Truth of who we ARE.
I’m not saying I’m completely healed from this myself … I still see the remnants of it lurking and hiding beneath various rocks of defenses. But here’s the thing, we all are special just because of our very existence. I mean look at us, we are all so magnificently unique.
We all want to know that we matter, that we are worthy and deep down inside we want to feel ..
Well start with giving yourself that kind of love. Start with noticing and celebrating the things about you that you do love and watch it magnify. Watch this love for yourself being reflected back to you … like magic.
Because it’s YOU … YOU ARE THAT LOVE!!