…lest ye be judged.
I think everyone knows this Bible verse, even if you didn’t grow up in a church. To be quite honest, I don’t like it. I’m not even sure I know what it means (if you judge others, you will be judged, too?). But what I do know is that judgement is a b**ch.
How many times have I had to learn this lesson? It seems as though I keep seeing how true this is. How often have I passed judgment on someone, only to later discover that I was totally wrong? Don’t look down your snooty nose at me, you know you do it, too. We all do it. We all pass judgment on people (and things and situations) in an attempt to make sense of the world around us. But is there any sense in trying to make sense? Why not just let it be? Why not just let people be?
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When we don’t understand someone or something, it’s much easier to just criticize or pass judgement. Out of our own fears and insecurities and protecting ourselves from getting hurt, we try to confine the person to the little box of our own limited understanding, then put a pretty bow on it and smile contently with the person wrapped up safely inside.
I just watched “What’s your number?” and noticed this exact situation occur. Granted it’s a movie, but still, there is truth to this particular scenario. The main character, Ali, begins to fall in love with her neighbor, the quintessential “player”, and he begins falling for her, too. Just as it starts to get really good, Ali tells her friends and they vehemently warn her to stay away from him, convincing her that she’ll just get hurt again. She follows their advice and sort of disappears from the situation. I don’t want to give away what happens, although you can probably guess. But it just made me think, wow, how much we can miss by allowing the judgments of others, or our own, to affect us.
We must listen to our own hearts. I’m not saying there isn’t wisdom in having discernment and sometimes perhaps your heart, your Spirit, your intuition, will tell you to remove yourself from someone. And that’s ok. But there is a difference between that and judgment. Judgment comes from the mind, our logical thinking or our past experiences dictating what we think about a person. Whereas if it’s your heart guiding you, it will just feel like a slight twinge, a little tug, a peaceful desire to remove yourself from the person or situation.
I believe we are all much more vast and expansive than we give ourselves, and each other, credit for. Allow people the opportunity to surprise you.
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A friend of mine, Stacey Robbins, whose blog I often read, included this great story in her blog post titled, “Living in the Land of Not Knowing“:
One of her old teachers made a vow to his wife: “I promise to not ‘know’ you.”
And Stacey thought, “Isn’t that the benefit of being together for a long time?”….to really know one another?
Her teacher explained: ”Stacey, when I live in what I think I know about her, it’s based on the past. I want to be present to my wife. If I don’t live with her in the moment, I don’t let her be who she wants to be in the moment. If she changes and I am stuck in my head about what I ‘know”, then I’ll be trying to get her back to what I know about her. But if I give that up, I won’t resist her changing.”
Let’s allow people the freedom to be who they want to be in the moment and not limit them based on preconceived notions or past experiences.
Then do the same for yourself 
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